


Eulogy for the Dead

by Tarlan



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Community: mcsheplets, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-23
Updated: 2008-04-23
Packaged: 2017-10-21 04:44:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/221055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rodney ought to be used to memorial services by now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eulogy for the Dead

**Author's Note:**

> McSheplets #17 We're Not Dead and McSheplets table prompt #17: First Strike

He ought to be used to them by now, having attended so many memorial services since coming to Atlantis, but they still left him feeling raw with emotion. This time the service was for those killed during the Replicator attack; the ones who'd died when the beam hit the control tower because he was a little too late raising the shield, and the ones he could not save when the shields collapsed and trapped them in the outer areas of the city while desperately trying to make repairs in flight.

In the control room, his distance from the window and position behind the console had protected him from most of the flying glass and other debris, though he'd still barely raised his hands in time to prevent the worst of that hitting him, leaving him with small lacerations. Later, as he'd seen more lives blink out on the monitor when the shield collapsed, the cuts went deeper into his heart and soul.

By agreement, Elizabeth's name wasn't mentioned because she was missing not dead but Rodney felt the weight of her loss on his shoulders too, wishing he had been stronger and let her go peacefully rather than fight John to save her with the nanites. That she hadn't regretted it in the long run because of the ZPMs was immaterial.

After Sam finished the eulogy for the dead, Rodney felt frozen in place as everyone else turned and left, until he was convinced he was standing alone in the vast area they'd reserved for memorial services. He flinched when a hand landed on his shoulder, silent as John guided him back through quiet corridors, back to his room.

As the door closed, strong arms wrapped around him from behind, drawing him back against a sturdy body. Lips nuzzled his hair and a cheek, already starting to roughen with a day's beard growth, grazed against his own. Rodney closed his eyes and concentrated on the faint rasp of skin on skin, whispering John's name on a single, soft exhale.

"So many dead." His voice quavered with loss, thinking not just of these recent deaths but of all those lost since they stepped through the Stargate into Atlantis. "And you know what the worst thing is?"

John shook his head.

"I'm grateful it was them and not you...or me. I'm glad we're not dead, and I feel ashamed that I could--"

John's hands pulled him around, lips sealing over his, stealing away his shame-filled words and choke-filled sobs; hands framing his face, sweeping his body, never still, as if desperate to know Rodney was whole and alive and in his arms.

Later, as they lay curled around each other, holding on tight, drained of emotion and energy, too tired even to think anymore, Rodney finally let go and sank towards sleep. Just on the edge, as his mind slipped over that tiny precipice, he heard John murmur into his ear.

"You're not dead...and I'm not ashamed of that."

END


End file.
